I cured my anorexia & bulimia through a LFRV lifestyle..Part 1.
My journey through anorexia…
I have been exposed to people with anorexia from a very early age, I was about 10 years old when I first learnt what it was from a TV program. I was intrigued, saddened and inspired all at once. I had a good friend in high school who looked like a walking coat hanger. She was so frail and pedantic but I secretly wanted to be her. Once when she came over my place, she accidentally left a little note book which contained her meagre calorie count for the day. I remember it totalled about 300 calories. I later found out how serious her illness was when she was admitted to a “special” hospital.
My personal experience with anorexia came not too long after this. I had always been very concerned about what I looked like and what others thought about me, so much so that I would avoid many social engagements because I thought I was too fat (I was about 65kgs, quite muscular 5’6”, although this number fluctuated a lot).
Not the best influence..:
I met my first real boyfriend when I was 17, I’ll call him John. John introduced me to the world of drugs. It was all very exciting! He was a drug-dealer so I never had to pay for anything. The first drug I had was an ecstasy tablet. Boy I loved it! I was on fire I could dance for hours and best of all I didn’t have to eat much to maintain this energy! The come down afterwards was really awful but as I became thinner and thinner it really didn’t matter, for me, happiness equalled a skinny body. Health came second.
John also introduced me to other girls in the drug scene, some of whom had serious eating disorders already. They would use laxatives through the day and drugs at night and sometimes cocaine for breakfast to control their weight. These girls were like many girls I have met on my life path, infected with the desire to be rail-thin like certain models and celebrities, even at the cost their health.
Restricting my calories big time
I began to count my calories like crazy. I used to do it a little before, but now I began to do it religiously…2000cals, 1500, 1000… before long I was averaging about 800 a day. I would have a bite of my breakfast cereal (to keep mum happy), half a sushi roll and a few bites of junk food for dinner with John. It sometimes took me hours to decide what i would eat, i became so obsessed. By night I was a drugged-up party animal, dancing sometimes 8hrs in a night by day my only real focus was on controlling my binges and achieving as little food intake as possible.
Sometimes I would be “really good” and stay around 800 calories a day, while at other times I would binge-out and eat over 5000, regularly downing a whole loaf of bread with honey and butter in one sitting. My body and mind were desperate for carbohydrates. After these binges I would stick my fingers down my throat and vomit it back up. I used to cry every time with guilt and shame and run straight to mirror and stare at my “ugly” tear-drenched face… but I knew it would help me stay skinny so I kept doing it. Sometimes I was so depressed that the only thing that would make me happy was the thought that I was succeeding at losing weight.
I began swimming regularly in the ocean pool down the road. I would jog about 2 kms to get there and back and always do 10 laps. I felt amazing afterwards and this drug-like “high” I no longer needed breakfast and sometimes lunch. When winter came around I continued to do my laps even though sometimes the coldness of the water literally took my breath away and winded me! I was absolutely burning through the calories to keep my body temperature up. Not only did I not increase my calorie intake to meet the extra demands on my body, but I actually dropped my calories further to around 500 and it was a particularly “good day” if I got through the whole day without eating.
I often saw someone else in the mirror...(note: pic is not me)
Food lost all appeal and became the “enemy”
I began to lose weight rapidly, food starting to become the “enemy” and after a while I didn’t need to purge anymore, I was so enervated that food was losing all appeal. After a while, I couldn’t keep “my secret” any longer because I was losing weight so rapidly my friends and family started to get really worried about me. They never actually knew the extent of my pain. My mum’s boyfriend would say “you will fall through a crack soon if you keep going…”. I used to love it when he said that – I knew I was on the right track! My friends would say “I had lost all my curve and looked bony and sick”, but I secretly thought they were just jealous and took it as a compliment.
My weight hit low times and I blacked out…
My weight had hit 47kgs (from a relatively fit 64kg’s in less than a year, a loss of 17kg), although I didn’t always weigh myself because looking at the scales would often upset me when I hadn’t lost anymore weight. This makes me think my weight was probably lower. I used to cut my pockets out of all my jeans because I hated my fat “47kg” thighs. I had a love-hate relationship with my body, part of me hated my skinny shoulders and part of me wanted to see more “definition” or more accurately… bones. I would walk around during the day in a world of fog which I now see clearly as being “under-carbed”. There was no way I could apply my mind to anything worthwhile but it didn’t matter to me because being thin was the only “worthwhile” thing.
It all came to a head when one day I was at work in the local supermarket serving a customer at the register when all of a sudden I blacked out and fainted in front of her, when I came to, everyone was around me in a panic. It was around lunchtime and I hadn’t eaten all day even after a 3hr powerwalk in the morning. After the fainting event I was strongly advised to see a Doctor. I did to keep everyone happy and the Doctor calculated my BMI. It came to below 17 and subsequently he put me in the anorexic category. I refused any treatment and convinced the Dr I was back on track. After that I began to see that maybe I was heading down a path of destruction.
Let the feeding begin
After about 3 years of this misery, my boyfriend and I broke up and went our separate ways. I was heart-broken and began to stay home all the time like a hermit. Fortunately during this time I also started to read a lot and increase my health awareness. I decided I wouldn’t purge anymore and would only take drugs on “special occasions”. I began to develop a raging hunger and of course started to eat! Food was ALL I could think about I would start the day with half a box of cereal with full cream milk, followed by a large strong coffee. Lunch would sometimes be just lollies or a whole baked chicken. Afternoon snack would be a couple of tubs of full fat yoghurt followed by a high calorie dinner consisting of at least 10 plates of sushi or fatty tacos or several dishes of thai food plus a creamy dessert to finish. Needless to say I packed on about 10kgs really quickly even though I was exercising like crazy.
My introduction to the raw food lifestyle
I started my raw food journey in 2001 desperate to find health and well-being, but not properly until July 2006. By this stage I was suffering from a multitude of health problems ranging from chronic fatigue syndrome to acne, not to mention a mega low self-esteem. I threw myself into the lifestyle, but still managed to keep my anorexic mindset of “the less calories the better”. Soon after going raw I experienced a massive gain in my health and a decrease in weight, the main reason being that I was no longer eating the foods that hurt me like meat, dairy and grains. The only problem with my new lifestyle was that I had to eat more than I wanted to. I was used to restricting my calories and I thought that I had to continue to do so on raw food. I go into this further in my upcoming ebook – which contains diary entries of where I went wrong on the raw food lifestyle and advice from me on how to avoid these obvious mistakes.
My apprehension to eat more calories
I hadn’t learnt to count my calories so I didn’t know how much I was meant to be eating or how much I was actually eating. Now looking back on diary entries sometimes it was around 2000, sometimes around 1200, not nearly enough to keep me on the raw path. So it’s little wonder that in Sept 2007 I starved myself back to a month of cooked food. It was distressing to say the least and I purged after every meal. I was paranoid about getting fat. After a month of hell I got back on raw and this time vowed to do the high fruit approach by the book. My weight was creeping up to 70kgs now, after coming from 47kgs years earlier – that’s a 23kg weight gain! Struggling with my urge to purge and obsession with calorie restriction, at first I felt a little uncomfortable eating such large quantities of fruit. I thought I would get fat for sure, my belly felt full which I anchored with vomiting and negativity… after all I was starting to eat kgs and kgs of food!
Part 2 coming soon…
I have photos from this period in my life, but not with me right now due to my transient lifestyle.
When I get them i will scan them in.
Still to come : Interviews with people overcoming their disordered eating through a LFRV lifestyle.
Here is a very interesting video of a male model with anorexia who unfortunately died at the start of this month.
A quote from an anonymous womyn with anorexia, my old self can relate completely….
You want food? Look at those THIGHS!
The only freedom left is the freedom to starve.
Time spent wasting is not wasted time.
Bones define who we really are, let them show.
Do you really want to be that weight for the rest of your life!?!?
Giving in to food shows weakness, be strong and you will be better than everyone else.
Fridge pickers wear big knickers.
Eating the wrong foods is what helped me to gain weight.
Eat less, weigh less.
Food is what we all must quit.
Those bones don’t mean I’m skinny, they mean there’s more to lose.
Ask me to show you perfect and I will show you a thin person.
Starving is not pain, it’s the cure.
To be continued…
hi freelee,
a powerful testimony.. i guess i’ve never really understood anorexia.. from a 3rd party perspective it makes little sense, so thanks for the insiders point of view..
glad you successfully weened yourself out of it, and hope that you continue inspiring others to do likewise!
peace,
mango.
Thank you so much Mango
It’s so nice to have you on my blog. It’s been quite a journey as far as my disordered eating goes but for once in my life I finally feel that I’m on top of it. I now realise that my psychological challenges were actually 98% physiological, my body was starving for nutrition. I wish someone held me down back then and put me on a fruit drip so I could arrange my thoughts into something logical 
Thanks again X
hey thanks for sharing im sure alot of girls can relate to your story….and you are a true inspiration as you say it’s not about preaching it’s about being the example of health…and i have to say you are my idea of a ‘picture of health’ as they say. you look amazingly healthy and i think if people focused on healthy as attractive rather than skin and bones we we would all benefit…i am just realising this myself that health is the number one priority. keep up the good work!
The guy in that video died at the beginning of the month – how sad.
Look forward to the 2nd part of your post – interesting stuff. I had a very brief bout of bulimia, years ago. I’m glad it didn’t get out of control. Raw food is my saviour as well.
Oh wow really? He died, thanks for letting me know, I just adjusting my post. Very sad news
Thanks for popping in, if you are willing I would love to talk to you about your success with raw food in overcoming your disordered eating. It would help many X
Sure I would love to talk to you about it
It took great courage to pen this, Free. You may never even know how many people it benefits. So glad you passed through the fire, now to the point of being a beacon of health for others to emulate.
Peace
thank you so much Windy
) Your encouraging words mean so much X
Wow Freelee, I had no idea you went through this! I’m so glad that you got healthy! Your story will help so many who struggle with eating disorders …
Yeh it’s not something I am that proud of, it was a hard time but what i am proud of is the fact that I’m no over that time in my life
Thanks so much for your comment X
What a fantastic post, thank you so much for sharing this with us. I can totally relate to this, at my thinnest I was 47kg (I’m 5ft 6) I was obsessed, weighing myself everyday and I was taking drugs to keep the weight off. I’m back on track with my health but my weight soared when I started to eat normally again. I still have days when I don’t want to leave the house because I feel as though people will laugh at me for being so overweight. Its a slow process of recovery but it’s a process.
I have a fantastic boyfriend who loves me no matter what and have managed to get through it with him. I still think of the days when I was super thin and wish that my body looked like that but I’m learning to let it go.
Reading your story reminded me of how I was in denial and to an extent I still am, just like you people used to tell me that I was too thin and I looked sick but I thought they were jealous. How wrong I was.
xoxo
Rebecca thx for sharing, I know how you must feel, it can be tough for sure. It’s so great that your boyfriend is so supportive, this can make life much easier that’s for sure. I hope you are with us on 30BaD, Im sure we can assist you in staying on top
Thanks for sharing your story. It means a lot to me, very helpful. I’m waiting for the second part.
Baran thank you Im glad
Thank you so much beautiful lady. Im not able to read it fully right now, I have to work and I know that it will bring up emotions that I may need to sit with awhile. I will read it before bed and remind myself how lucky I am to have found the LFRV lifestyle, and such beautiful people along the way
In truth there is freedom, and if truth helps wonderful beings to suffer less, feel less alone and move forward into health and happiness, then lets shout it from the rooftops! with love and thanks x
Tam thank you so much! I am so glad you found the lifestyle too, it really is amazing isn’t it? From the rooftops i shall yell!
Thanks for posting this. I was much like you anorexic and addicted to cocaine to control my eating. Though I had therapy to help with the anorexia, 9 years ago, I was never able to shake the mentality and the food guilt. Since becoming raw just 2 1/2 weeks ago I am finally free. I no longer wake up at night guilty over what I ate the day before or restrict after “eating to much”. I am now eating with freedom and happiness. As a matter of fact it is about time for some yummy fruit now!!!
HI Christy thank you for sharing. This is one brilliant testimonial to the power of a LFRV lifestyle over an ED. I just read your comment out to DR and another friend, they both smiled and nodded in agreement. Keep up the fruit my friend X
WOW WOW WOW…what a beautifully raw and open story Freelee!! Thank you
After reading this, I may have been anorexic too! Never counted calories, but all those thoughts and not wanting to go out if I felt fat. But on this fruity diet, I don’t feel like an injured animal in the wild because I’ve eaten “food” that is essentially poison.
It’s truly amazing how healing this fruit diet is on a psychological level. It’s like deep down, I NEVER EVER felt totally right. I knew something wasn’t right and I struggled. Always felt sick and never feeling real satisfaction. Just sick because I ate too much or cranky and still hungry because I hadn’t eaten enough, because I don’t want to feel sick by eating too much and have that painful 9 month pregnant bloated belly.
NOW, I am hungry, I eat. That’s it! Feels like my brain is getting oxygen for the first time in my life and my body feels strong and quick, never vulnerable to a cold of flu. My mind is beyond SHARP too.
Leigha THANK you! It’s so great to read part of your journey. I just love hearing people “find themselves” through a fruity lifestyle. I appreciate you dropping in and sharing and can totally relate to your experience X
Freelee you inspire me even more now that i know the depths of your story. I battled what was an eating disorder never fully diagnosed, but looking back it was just anorexia. Everyones case is going to be different and i fought that label, but it is what it is. I went raw when i was kind of in the thick of that mind set. My weight quickly plummeted down to the mid 70 pound range (i’m 5’4), and i was hospitalized then at age 15. I was released after a horribly traumatic experience there, and then lost more weight and at my lowest i was only 69 lbs. I went to the Tree of Life at this point in my journey, definitely a different philosophy from LFRV but that experience completely saved my life because i was able to eat the food i wanted to eat, live with vibrant healthy people in a supportive environment, and really address with myself why i was putting myself through such hell. And we both know when the body is starving the mind does some really interesting things….Well, it is a tricky thing (eating disorder recovery) because the person has to Really Want to choose life over their eating disordered thinking with every particle of their being. It was strong women like you that really inspired me back when i was struggling (and it saved my life) and continue to do so because i know what a trap it can be. Anyone who breaks free from that trap has my complete respect. Thanks for sharing, Freelee!
Wow you have come SO far Anna, i got chills reading your story. You have come through so much, very character building.
“And we both know when the body is starving the mind does some really interesting things”
Very true, this is so important for people to grasp, I found educating myself on how my body works helped immensely.
I totally agree ED’s are very challenging and of course the more severe the more challenging.
You are an inspiration for coming back from the brink of death, I salute you my friend X
Hi Freelee,
Thank you so much for sharing this. I have justresently been introduced to the 811 diet/lifestyle. I am amazed! I have been dealling with anorexia but more so bulimia for years, I havetryed so many wellness programs to stear away from it and conquer health onces and for all. Years and years of trying this I have not succeded. I have now beendoing 811 pretty consitently for about 2 weeks now and I can not believe how good I feel!!!!! My cravings for other foods have really decreased and I am enjoying every bite of raw low fat fruits and veggies!!! It is a little challenging deturminging the quantity of fruit…I thinkthis well balance out over time and practice. It is so nice to here such honesty for someone who has travels a likely path and succeded. Thank you Thank you:)
That is so great to hear Leesha! Congratulations on your 2 weeks, be sure to expect lots and lots of amazing results to keep coming your way
Keep up the fruit mono meals as much as you can. I appreciate you dropping in with your support and story x
Brilliant! Authentic! Your own Master Piece of Transparency.
You’ve just elavated yourself to a whole nuther level of Super Hero in my eyes!
awww thanks Erskien! What a lovely comment of support
woohoo super hero works for me!
Hi Freelee… so glad you shared this story. I was into disordered eating as well, and when I got into raw in 2005 I knew it would change my whole view and perception of consumption, becoming vegetarian had ‘cured’ me of my own disordered eating, but getting further into proper nutrition and the philosophy and specifics and whole lifestyle really convinced me that an entire natural lifestyle would help people connect to what the natural body wants and needs, and that could really heal the physical, mental and spiritual aspects of disordered eating. My disordered eating was more disgust with eating, I didn’t purge, but I starved myself and then I binged… I didn’t do it from a stand-point of body image, but I definitely felt food was the enemy and it was a “job” I didn’t want to do…eating that is, I felt it kept me back from my goals of spiritual development, I wanted to be light, I wanted to be barely in this world, and unaffected by the desires and needs of the body.
Of course I was getting massively depressed, preoccupied with eating, after I’d starved myself for too long(spending an entire day doing nothing but eating over and over again) and getting too weak to move or go anywhere, and having hallucinations and delusions at times…other times I felt great, and because of the mainstream American upbringing and environment I was in, I thought I had no other way of feeling and experiencing a mystical lifestyle. When I got into raw, I got very deeply into Kundalini Yoga, getting out into nature, expressing my true self, and being more active. I became a healer, which is what parts of me have always gravitated towards, but most importantly, my mental perspective on life changed, my self-esteem and my ability to heal myself is what allowed this, is what allowed me to be simultaneously physically healthy, mentally healthy and to experience the spiritually mystical lifestyle I wanted. I have since refined my take on raw living many times over, and continually seen more amazing stories, like this from other’s on this path… I really appreciate having the concrete knowledge of a story like yours to share with others and continue to inspire me on this path as well.
Wow this is beautiful my friend
I enjoyed reading your post, you should write a blog and share your story, it will help many. It sounds like you have come a long long way. I too found yoga to be a healing modality, it really works amazingly well at calming an excitable monkey mind. Being more active is vital too, if I wasn’t active then I don’t know how successful I would be at beating my ED. ..however it’s never just one thing, always a chain of important lifestyle factors that need to be coordinated .
Brilliant comment thanks
Thanks for the post…ther same happened to me: obsessive behaviour with my body-image, then with exercising then with food…then with drugs and cigaretts….thanks god i found out fruitarian path…THATS THE SWEETEST THING U CAN DO TO YOUR BODY!
Awesome! I agree completely it is the sweetest thing you can do to your body!! Hehe rock on X
Wow I totally relate, although Im still struggling with my own personal battle.. Ive tried many dietary changes, Im now tempted to try LF raw vegan. Thanks so much for being honest and for sharing your experiences, blessings -A.
my pleasure Amanda, i recommend this lifestyle completely, come join us on 30bananasaday.com X
Please give yourself the gift and give it a try, it really is amazingly healing in every way
Free Lea~
This is a not so very different story from mine!
Thank you for sharing!
I am grateful to know I am not the only one who has struggled with both disordered eating and raw foods! (due to inadequate calorie intake)
Cool Im so glad you can relate, i have watched you come a long way Alicia, its great to witness X
Hi Freelee! I am a 20 year old student from Texas in the U.S. and am an avid follower of you and durianrider on youtube. You both inspire me to continue living a LFRV lifestyle and your words expecially touch my heart as I too have traveled this disordered eating path. Thank you for all that you give! Your heart is very beautiful Freelee. Please never stop sharing!
awwwwwww Auburn! Thanks so much, I feel very grateful to you for sharing! Thanks for taking the time XX
Thank you so much for this.
thank you Kat x
Thanks Freelea for sharing your experience strength and hope for recovery from eating disorders. It takes courage to be this honest and I respect that.
I too have been there, though in the over eating case. I was 325lb at my maximum, that was 12 years ago. Over the years I tried all kinds of diets to arrest this illness.
In all my searching I have come to know, there is no magic food plan!
This disease is in the head, and I had to have a spiritual awakening, to change my eating for the better. To want to put healthy things into my body instead of junky non foods.
I have been between 65% – 80% raw for 18 months and have released 100lbs. Raw food living is definitely the way forward for health, I can’t do the high fruit just yet, working towards it one day at a time.
I had to get outside help for my eating disorder, a supportive network of people who understand what I am dealing with. There are 12 step programs out there and I would suggest anyone who suffers from an eating disorder go and check them out.
Blessings to you and yours
HC
Hi hippychick thanks for your comment
I agree when you say that “disease is in the head” however the head and body are connected and once we nourish our bodies at the foundational level (i.e optimal nutrition that we are biologically designed to eat) then our head becomes more balanced. A combination of education and nutrition is needed, I would love to put a fruit drip in some ppl and lock them in a room with Doug Graham or Durianrider ;-D
I suggest you give the high fruit lifestyle a try, it works if we eat enough because it addresses our key physiological requirements. Thanks X
Hi Freelee…. Congratulations – this is a great ‘blog’ which demonstrates to me – not only – the experiences of many, but also, your remarkable capacity to ‘invite – excite – inform – and deliver”. While connecting with, and relating to each of the blog contributors. I find ALL the stories of personal transformation inspiring – to say the least..
I particularly like the fact – that you are NOT afraid “to go there’ – with a “warts and all” approach – when revealing – the very human side ….. both strenghths, and weakenesses of human behaviour.
You ‘raise the bar’, and set a new standard
You are ‘truly’ an inspiration to many…….. thank you
Peter
QLD
Australia
Peter thank you so much for saying, I appreciate you taking the time to give this feedback!
Thanks for posting this.
This is my first year with a LFRV diet but it has eliminated the majority of my food related issues. In my late teens I almost died from anorexia and I have struggled with bulimia and disordered eating since the age of 15. Before becoming LFRV my eating disorders were getting worse and I was actually considering seeking professional treatment. Since becoming LFRV I feel amazing and so good about what I am putting into my body. My moods are more stable and I have more energy and feel much healthier physically and mentally. I never expected it to help me in this way. I was more interested in LFRV to increase athletic performance, which it has but with this amazing added bonus! I honestly never thought I would be free of my struggles with food. I still can hardly believe it! It’s like the monster I’ve had with me for half my life just walked away. It feels so unreal. I know I need to still be conscious and careful but still, it’s a miracle to me. I am grateful to you for sharing your experience. It’s hard for me to talk about my struggles with eating disorders and being male I often feel even more alone. But there is hope! I’m a fit and healthy weight and eating 3500-4000 calories of fruit and veggies everyday. I’m getting stronger and faster and accomplishing things athletically I never though possible. Becoming LFRV is one of the greatest things I’ve done for myself.
Wow you have come so far! Good for you. Thank you so much for sharing this, it is truly one of the best testimonials I have heard on the emotional eating topic. You are doing the right thing by
keeping your calories up. We must remember the brain relies exclusively on glucose so of course we will feel crazy if we don’t have a steady supply coming in. Keep me updated!
thats where i am at my lowest weight all alone confused i wish i could afford to get help from you
Come onto 30bananasaday.com and learn how to eat enough fruit and live this lifestyle. There is plenty of help on there!
Shocking story to me, bcuz it’s exactly what I went through for 30 years. I’m apprehensive of a TIME BOMB that will rear it’s ugly head in later life. You can’t purge that much and get off Scot free, or maybe with fruit and God one can? The main problem is what DE did to the immune system: the world is filled with chemicals so I stay home [where air filters are] to avoid sickness. This story has really given me hope that I can rebuild immunity and live a normal life for once.
Thank you for saying Karen. This lifestyle has fully cured me and it can for everyone else. I’m glad its given you hope. Just stay on track my friend x